the terrible 27's

The profound weight of starting something is incredible. Even when it can be one mere step.

Anyways - I'm 27 and I've been this way for only about 3 months as of September 4th. So far, it sucks. I am now going to document this momentous year, as I have heard 27 sucks.

They have the terrible 2's but no one ever talks about the terrible 27's.

When there is a lot to learn, there is a lot to fail miserably at. So far, I'm failing miserably. But at the same time, every moment feels like a brick that is paving my path. We'll see.

let me catch you up on the first few months :

I moved from Shin-asahi, Japan into my friend Gabby's basement. She owns the home with her fiancee Brent. I've never lived with a couple. I've known them for about 3+ years and was told several times that, "I am the ONLY person they would both agree to let live with them."

My 27th birthday was celebrated amongst several great friends who I hadn't

seen since I was 25 (I spent my 26th year in Japan). We went to the Radio room and shared drinks and homemade cupcakes from my friend Gabs. My Japanese boyfriend from Australia (Nobu) was visiting me. We had dated for 3 months when he came to America in hopes of convincing me to move immediately to Australia. After being away from my family for a year prior, I couldn't stomach the idea of leaving again. That relationship was the closest I have ever been to getting married. We broke up shortly after he left.

My second month as a 27 year old was chalk full of turmoil and professional enlightenment.

I created an online portfolio, something I had been dreading since I graduated college in 2004. I was hitting up all my contacts and talking to people everyday. My confidence about finding the job I wanted was high. I felt like there was really nothing to lose. Meanwhile, my roommates were trying to establish boundaries in the house, mostly how far they could interfere with my personal relationships. I was told that I wasn't allowed to see someone while I lived in their home. I thought I was a 27 year old woman? Hmmm.....Trying to figure this out, while being respectful towards my friends yet trying to maintain my autonomy was tough. It was enough to shake me to the core, my friends living upstairs but not talking to me, wanting to get to know this person I was forbidden to see but not wanting to cause a mess. oy vey! Apparently, it wasn't anything a birthday couldn't fix, my roommates and I started to put an end to the ridiculousness of controlling relationships and focus on being roomies again.

While focusing on how to share the house with my 2 friends, I was also learning how to share the basement with a large family of wolf spiders. Unfortunately 3 of the mother fuckers met their demise by the sole of my shoe, 3 of their growing offspring by newspaper against the wall. As they say, all is fair in love and war and I have a fancy flesh rotting scab healing on the side of my leg from one of those monsters sneaking up on me in my sleep. Most nights I lay awake constantly sweeping my hand across my face and hair, the only parts of my body exposed to the cold basement air not protected by my fleece sheets. Though I think it is interesting that I can have more of an understanding between me and an 8 legged hunter than a couple of people I have known for years. The spider bite oddly enough seemed like a physical manifestation of the emotional situation I was enduring with my roommate/friends.

Most recently, 2 of my close girlfriends from high school have found out they are pregnant. They are also married to the men of their dreams. I am 27, I don't even have a boyfriend. There is only 1 other lady in my circle of friends who is as single as I and though it does NO good, I have to wonder how I got here. How did I end up the single girl? I remind myself I love my life and all the experiences thus far. That being said, I am about to start reading my first dating book...everyone could use a little perspective.

A theme has emerged for 27 : there are no missions in life (Unbearable lightness of Being), failure is human destiny (Amelie), there is no success like failure, and failure is no success at all (Bob Dylan). All of these things I have read, watched or heard within the first 3 months of being 27. I am keeping my mind and heart open and ready to fail, gratefully and willingly in order to grow. I'm ready. Bring it on 27!