bite me

I said "don't bite me, or I'll go home."

An empty threat but certainly a warning. I know, I know...don't make a threat unless you're ready to back it up. But I'm not raising a child here, I'm setting boundaries. I believe if you're with the wrong person, perhaps it feels like you're raising a child.

Obviously this guy did not get it. He continued to bite here and there, intermittently, each time, me reminding him how it hurt.

When we became physically passionate with each other, he continued to issue a certain amount of pain that I absorbed and hoped would somehow be the last. All of my efforts to non-verbally overt his aggression didn't work - so in a moment of seizing pain, I bit down quite hard on his tongue.

That seemed to get his attention. He quickly retreated his tongue into his mouth and stopped all movement, except to say, "owe! wait...I thought you said no biting."

To someone who has little experience in the dating arena you would think this quip would shock me. After all of his painful expressions of passion to turn around and accuse me of one, painful infliction, with such surprise and woe.

I know that if I had stayed true to my word and went home when first bite ensued I would have avoided this situation in entirety - but this, I suppose, is where I'm still learning. It's hard for me to say - "Okay, I'm going home." My inner voice says, "Well, that was interesting...he's obviously not taking you seriously, but maybe this is just his way of having fun. As long as it doesn't get to the point where it "really" bothers you." And yet it did get to that point and so I bit him back.

There was a voice even earlier on that told me to postpone the date, and yet another voice that covered my intuition stating, "even though he is complaining he is too tired to do anything but cuddle, he did go to the store to get things and you don't want to discourage him from trying."

STOP TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE! Shit Kyla. Listen to your gut. It's okay. That was a great example of you "trying" to make it work, when really it didn't. So next time (maybe not with this guy) when it doesn't work, say it out loud, "this doesn't work" and accept things for how they are.

I guess what I should have said was, "Bite me - I'm going home!"

3 dates. He's not the one. Head em up and hood em out.

It's okay to be okay.

Something is changing in my life and I don't want to write about it. But this is the stuff I should be writing about. The transition.

I stress a bit about holding on to happiness. I used to wait for the ball to drop - after good things happen, bad things happen. But something has changed. Good things continue to happen in my life and I am beginning to believe that it's possible to be happy and not have to "pay for it".

Thank you. Thank you world.

I started my first day at Williams-Sonoma home. ....waited for the ball to drop...

turns out everyone is so nice. I learned about the merchandise, people were coaching me and giving me tips. We had great conversations and everyone was very open and excited to have me working with them. I have to say - that felt good.

At the end of the day, Christian came and picked me up to take me out on our second date. SECOND DATE. Meaning, we went on a first date that led to a second date but we only went on a second date (we're not talking marriage). Very casually picked me up. We went to the baseball game and....drum roll......HAD A GREAT TIME. I'm not holding my breath for anything. I'm just taking it a moment at a time. And it feels good to do it that way.

Right now I'm focusing on keeping my money in line. STOP SPENDING. SAVE PASSIONATELY! I want to buy a house. Game time.

I'm very fortunate. I'm a very fortunate person. I am happy. And that's okay.

Life is Good.

Heyyo - I said it.

I'm 27, I'm sitting in the living room of the apartment I am sharing with 2 great people who I love. The apartment is just the right amount of messy and I've paid rent to live here.

I'm watching a marathon of Sex and the City (my emotional crack) and loving the fact that I went and got a pedi with a "non-gay" male coworker today, repainted my toe nails purple panic and drank 2 PBR tallies while watching the Biggest Loser afterwards.

I love my blue car that goes fast and I love that I sold 2 pair of earrings this week.

I went on a date last night that was fun. period. I started to get a little crazy about it today, but that is simply my endorphins talking - and all the hormones that get released when you make out with someone who walks you to your door. I love that I don't think of him as "the one" and I am okay with that. I am exhilarated to meet someone I had fun with. I changed the name of the boy who stood me up all month to : asshole mcgee, on my phone. And I feel good about that too.

I know that sounds angry and I'm not even angry about him...it's just that if I deleted his name completely I couldn't screen his lame (fake as hell) phone calls....well.....that was a slippery slope.

I'm better now....I paused for Sex and the city.

I would like to conclude now with : life is good and I am amazing.

The Last single girl

My ONLY single girlfriend now has a boyfriend.

She made me meet him today. It was atrocious.

They kept having their side conversations. Those use to be ours.

She kept filling him in on the details. More side conversations ensued.

I tried to hold back my gag reflex and my eye rolling to a minimum. If you know me, you'll know that I read like an open book. My facial expressions are a tell all, and I'm shit for lying. I kept reminding myself over and over again that this is POSITIVE. I'm HAPPY for Lindsey. (Because somewhere deep deep deep, under my selfish, self-loathing, bitter crumujin layer....I really am happy for her.) Unfortunately everything that lies on the surface of my emotion is jealousy and a scab away from that is sadness that now my friend has a new best friend. Someone else that I'll have to share time with, and schedule "girl" time with.

The most preposterous thing about all these shenanigans is that I almost committed to giving eharmony a try. I WANT A PARTNER. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. I WANT SOMEONE TO REST MY HEAD ON AND HAVE SIDE CONVERSATIONS WITH. BLEH. (sorry about the caps locks).

I have this girl at work - who I earlier caught remarking that she was an "old spinster". I asked her how old she was and she (of course) remarked that she was 26. "Great" I thought....and followed it up with "of course". Recently, during one of our in-between-running-food chats, she revealed that her best and last single girlfriend just got a bf. I told her it was happening to me too! We embraced each other like we were on the titanic. I kid you not. And now every time we see each other we tell each other that the other is NOT allowed to get a boyfriend (first). Boyfriends have now become life jackets in the hopeless sea of singleness. If I'm going to take it a step further (and I always do) a boyfriend would really be a life boat. I go on several dates still and have at least 2 guys who are really interested in me, but going out with them is like floating in the frozen water holding on to the life jacket : ideally, it's suppose to save me but the frozen water is going to kill me anyway. Yes, I said the word kill in my metaphor. Is that like dying in your dreams? If you do, you die in real life? Well, that's not true either because I've had dreams where I've died - twice. Maybe I really am screwed.

Houston we have some good news!

DUDE!

So - I got a new car. And when I say new car, I mean...it's 10 years old but hardly driven ever....and when I say hardly, I mean...13,000 miles. Shiet. That's what I put on a car in one year! AND it's got all the bells and whistles, automatic windows and locks...cruise control...4 doors. AND it's blue...my favorite color. AND the best part is - IT'S ALL PAID OFF, IT'S ALL MINE AND THE INSURANCE IS PAID FOR 6 MONTHS....NO PAYMENTS MINE!

I love it. I named it Lelu, like off of Fifth Element and it drives like a peach.

Life has started to look up. Suddenly I have this notion I want to buy a house. So, I'm gonna save. I was thinking I wanted to buy all this extra stuff (mostly art because I love to buy art - which is a good investment and feeds the soul) but then I thought I could save that money to buy a house. At that very second, without me even planning it, I realized...I wanted to buy a house. So, I'm going to start saving.

And when life gets good, it gets real good. I just found out today that I GOT THE JOB AT WILLIAMS-SONOMA! Now, it's not going to be as the in-house designer mind you, just a casual associate (20 hours a week) - BUT, it's an open door, that leads to an open window towards becoming the in-house designer. I'm a little nervous, but at the same time I know I can do this. It pays just about double what I make as a food server and it's in the field of interior design. I don't know where this is going to lead me and I'm not making plans, I am just incredibly grateful for everything in my life.

I've also finished (I have 2 more pair of earrings to make) my second launch for my earrings....then I have to photograph them...try to spruce up my site and BAM! The website I write for is going to write a short article about them and I have a really good feeling Kiss My Sass is going to be a well known name soon to come. All good things, come in time and so I will be patient and know that life is good!

Woohoo and Amen.

Happy Easter y'all.