First rule of fight club.

I have these feelings damn it and I need to express myself but all I can think of is the next Sunday breakfast at my dad's house where my family will casually throw in a few tidbits from this blog and we'll have to talk about it. Which ultimately is probably a healthy reaction, but now all of a sudden my inner rage is being shy. Shit. Not even rage, just, feelings. They have become 'explanations' instead. shit. fuck.

So, I'm dating this boy. And I have a new rule. I'm not allowed to talk about boys that I haven't been on at least 5 dates with. But technically, since this isn't a conversation (yet) I can talk about him here. Well the parts that I'm still digesting, because the reason why I don't want to talk about it, is because I've already said EVERYTHING THERE IS TO SAY ABOUT MEETING SOMEONE. Perhaps I'm jaded. But I do have some interesting insights about this new boy that I haven't experienced in a while. Something new.

Side note : do you know how sometimes I'll say (write) the word alas at the end of a sentence or thought? Well, I said that to him at one point and he followed with : A lad. That shit cracks me up. Although as I'm writing this I'm wondering if it was him who said it, or someone else I hung out with recently. No, it was him. How cute is that? He said it was the kind of humor his dad used - that's how I remember. His dad is dead.

So, some new revelations. Time apart is good. I feel like I now have the capacity for space. I don't worry if he calls or doesn't. I don't worry when we'll see each other again. I did for a split second wonder if it was a good idea to bump our Wednesday date to a Tuesday thing for a couple of reasons. 1) I was initiating. And I'm really not into that these days - I say, let the man have control over those details or not. 2) I really wanted to get caught up on So You Think You Can Dance. But all in all we had a great time Tuesday and I was relieved my initial feeling of rushing turned out to be just good ole fashion fun.....meaning yes, we made out in his car. But just making out (that's the ole fashion part).

We have plans for a fourth date on Sunday. He's taking me to breakfast (because I kicked his ass at bowling). So that means I will go - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday - 4 days without seeing him. It's kinda weird. It's slow but not slow, you know. Because my brain works in rapid succession, it's usually hard for me to have to think about things for so long, analyzing every moment and whatnot. But instead, I've kinda turned that off and I'm just .... present. He also likes to dance. And I'm not saying that like 'woohoo someone who likes to dance', more like, 'it's awesome and I'm surprised how uncomfortable it makes me that he is so open with his moves'. But at the same time, I'm inspired. I don't really want to throw too many details out there, but he kinda (to me) looks a little Tom cruise-ish. I love me some Tom Cruise. I mean not exactly like him but kinda. Hm?

While I'm not talking about this person I've only been on 3 dates with, I'm going to say it feels strange to feel comfortable with someone. A whole new slew of questions and concerns/walls are forming and I've begun to strategize how to get through this. And yet at the same time, I feel relaxed and confident about me. So, who knows what's going to happen? And.