Fifth date

It's amazing how a picture can capture a moment. And then how out of context the picture can be taken. Or the many interpretations of that experience just by looking at the picture.

Fifth date, people. Our fifth date. I took pictures to document the occasion. Of course he has no idea about the 5 date rule, and that really wasn't the "reason" behind the pictures. But it works, so I'm going with it.

Tate.

Our fourth date was a sham. But the karma gods were looking out for me. It had to be so in order for so many other events to occur. I think change happens after ideas are challenged and there was nothing less of ideas being challenged on our Sunday "breakfast" date.

I thought that he was suppose to treat me on dates. I thought he was suppose to pick me up on dates. I thought he was suppose to not make other plans so close to the time our date was. I thought he was suppose to kiss me on our dates. I thought he was suppose to be focused on me on our dates. I thought he was suppose to wait for me to finish paying before walking outside on our dates.

I forgot, he was Tate. I forgot he was just a person. I forgot to get to know him. I forgot to be curious, rather than assuming. I forgot to be me. I forgot there were 2 people on the date. All I could think was this means that and that means this and this means he doesn't respect me and that means, he'll take advantage of me and this means he's not affectionate.

Shortly after he drove away, I had a wonderful ($40) conversation with a woman I met at flutter (she read my tarot). Call it tarot, call it a scam, I call it cheap therapy with perfect timing. After talking to Mindy, I realized I had been letting all of my ideas and expectations, project onto this boy. I had lost my faith in relating. I recognized how confident I am in myself when I am alone, but how I forget that girl when I am with a boy. woops. I had to face the fact relationships are about helping your partner grow and learn about who they are and who you are. You can't do that when all you are looking out for is yourself. I think they say, something something, friends first. Rrriigghhht.

Oh and also to allow a nugget of bad timing, bad scheduling, awkwardness to be added to the human experience. Tate had to go to band practice at 1:00, we met up at 11:00. The wait at breakfast was an hour. We decided to try again on Monday.

So off I went for our "redo" breakfast this morning with a fresh mind. I was ready to get to know Tate. To listen, to remember who I am and to share that with him and to be open to his experience as much as my own. Turns out we had a great time. He was attentive, and always engaging in converstations. He picked up what I was putting down and shared bits of his life and feelings with me. Some of his bits included the fact that he is still dealing with his ex-girlfriend breaking up with him 2 months ago.

That's when it hit me : his perspective of "our" relationship is on a completely different level. That doesn't mean he doesn't like spending time with me or that he's not interested, it's just that he's a little raw. Not to mention the fact that 2 months out of a long term relationship is really more like 5 minutes. Relationships don't just STOP. They radiate and move like sound through space.

We hung out for about 3 hours and went from breakfast at Gravy, to reading our books at Albina Press, to walking in the Rose Garden hand in hand before dropping him off at home. A few sweet kisses followed a couple of awkward 'are we going to kiss' kisses on my part.

I don't know what comes next. I do know, I like him. I do know that it's really easy to hang out with him. We talk a lot. I think he's adorable, sexy and fun. I liked our time together. I know that I like my life. I like my cat and my jobs and my family. If Tate wants to be apart of that, I would like that too.

As I think of how I've changed my rules of dating - to five dates before I talk about them, I've now realized I've also changed my ideas about dating - to get outside my ideas and focus on the reality and weight of each situation.

It was nice to hang out with him. I like cream and sugar in my coffee. Josie is beautiful. It's the blanket.