I am currently taking a break from looking on craigslist for a new place to live. MYLANTA! I have to tell you how ridiculous it is trying to even SEE the damn place people are advertising for on craigslist. If you are posting a room for rent - if it's the right price and the right area, people are going to respond, I am going to respond. If you have a room to rent, you really don't have to do much to sell it, in fact it's worse if you do, because then 10 magillion people are going to respond and I'll never even get an appointment.
I already went to 3 houses last week and got "turned down" from each of them. "Turned down" because they found someone better. This is worse than dating for fuck sake. (Sorry I had to use the "f" word, it really is only to express how passionate I feel about this ridiculousness).
So - tonight I came home, like the last 3 nights and started scrolling down craigslist for a room to share that is less than $450 in Portland. I used to look for things with only pictures attached, then I realized, the good ones don't have pictures, those are the people who don't want a magillion emails from crazy people...they are smart. So I've stopped looking at the pictures only search. The first 4 responses tonight went something like this :
Hi, my name is Kyla. I'm a 27 year old woman. I live in SE and my roommates are having a baby so it's time to find a new place to live (sympathy card - and also to let them know I'm not getting kicked out of anything). I have a degree in interior design and have 1 indoor cat who is great and gets along well with other pets (lies!) I'm really interested in getting together to see if I would be a great fit. Thanks.
I also give them my schedule and a few other fluffs about how I match what they are looking for.
After about the fourth one, I get an email back immediately, from a great apartment that I know I would be perfect for saying this :
Hi Kyla, thanks for your response, unfortunately we are already drowning in emails and have stopped scheduling interviews, but good luck in your housing search!
Well, that just sucks. I suddenly realized that NO ONE is going to even look at my emails unless I'm different from the rest. And damn it, I am different from the rest. So then I started to incorporate more of the me that YOU get to read. The sarcasm. The glue that holds me together. The next craigslist ad that I read after my rejection was for a 3 bedroom where everyone likes to hang out, have dinner parties - must leave specific contact information required. And they always ask for some small bio about yourself and "why" you would be a good fit. Bleh - my response :
Okay, here goes.
First things first :
Name : Kyla Howell
Phone : ########
email : kylahowell@gmail.com
best time to get ahold of me : after 7:30, anytime Sundays and Mondays
I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to get even a chance to see a place in Portland. I feel like I could write the best perfect bio of all time and somehow it would not do me (or you) justice. I'm me. I'm great, I'm amazing. I have a cat. I like what you like - or at least what you stated in your own eloquently written description of the house and home lifestyle. I LOVE food, I enjoy imbibing while eating good food. I LOVE costume parties...I threw 2 of them when I was living in Japan and scared the natives who have never seen a group of people parading around in sheets - or togas as we like to call them. I much prefer to meet in person so you can get the full experience of how awesome I am and what a great, chill, sociable, independent, creative, charismatic, caring woman that I am. I am also direct, you like that don't you? No muss, no fuss, no drama, just good times, respecting people's space and lives and sharing some of it together. right?
Honestly, I don't have to move out of where I'm living until October, but I too am looking for the right fit. Are you it? Lets find out.
Call me - my number is above.
Thanks!
I was feeling pre-tty good about myself after that one and was ready for the next. Setting em up, and shooting them down. The next was a great 3 bedroom bungalow off Hawthorne. This girl is my age and looking for 2 other roommates to share a house with. (I've responded to these before and it is such a popularity contest) So - with hopeless abandon, I penned :
Why I would make a great roommate
by Kyla Howell
###-###-####
I'm amazing. I want to find a place to hang out with some great people, share space, create an environment that is comfortable for everyone and still maintain some independence. I already live in SE and would love to stay in the neighborhood. My current roommates are having a baby so it's time to find a new space. I am also a woman in my late 20's and have a degree in Interior design. I am financially stable and am totally down with sharing chores. I love cats, I have 1 indoor cat who is a girl cat. She has lived with other cats before and has been fine with all of them. I just moved back from Japan last August and have had a very transitional year. I've lived with some friends while I've gotten back into the design industry - and now I'm ready to find a place that I can settle into and live for awhile. I'm hoping at least a year. At this point I'm not too particular about the room situation. I'm a very flexible person, I'm down to earth, funny, and direct.
Lets make a great home/space together and have some good times! I'm off work by 7:30 if you want to call and set up a time for me to come by. I don't work Sunday or Monday if you have time on those days too.
Thanks!!
Kyla
I even gave it a title.
Lastly, I was completely shocked by this craigslist posting. I mean they are complete amateurs - otherwise, after "cheap" "house" and "hawthorne" they wouldn't have added statements like "you're going to love this neighborhood" and "wrap around porch"
My response and I think it's a winner, Titled in the subject :
Why I would make the best roommate, by Kyla Howell
You know that you set yourself up for like a bagillion emails from people looking for the utopia you have created in your craigslist advertisement, right?
What it sounds like, is that you are really looking for a girl roommate to join your awesome boy club house. I hate to get sales pitchy about it, but in this day and age and with the competition I'm up against I have no choice but to tell you how wonderful and great I would be as that roommate.
here's the deal :
I'm 27. I'm an interior designer. I have 1 indoor cat (details). I am very sociable, but independent. I am no drama but good times for sure. I like to cook, garden, hang out, listen to music, dance hip hop at vega dance lab, design earrings, blog, read classic literature and watch bad TV on-line (don't judge me just yet). I have a guitar that sometimes I pick up - rarely, but I think it gives me style points, plus I think it's just good to have one in every home. I have an awesome bike that I would love to ride more of. PS - You totally sold me at wrap around porch.
You said something something, I'll need to come by and see it in person, I agree. When?
I will have time to swing by :
Friday : after 7:30
Saturday : after 6:00
Sunday : anytime
Monday : anytime
Tuesday : after 7:30
Wednesday : after 7:30
Thursday : after 7:30
call me : 971-219-####!
Ya - that's the spice. The sting and zest of me!
It's 12:20 in the morning and I'm exhausted. I'm excited that my humor has returned to me and that the girl who has the 3 bedroom bungalow wants me to swing by so we can "chat". These days, I don't get my hopes up about anything. You've seen my boyfriend stories....it's all the same. But we'll see. I'm sure that when it's right I'll know. Doesn't that sound familiar.
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