I feel like I'm constantly compensating for something in my life. my father says, "boy you just love drama." my mom says, "they put ink in my heart, I'll let you know when I get the tests back....stop pressuring me to see a counselor.......it's over! He put his hands on me.....should I not bring him his dinner?.......Gabby called me, and we talked for an hour." James says, "my girlfriend smokes outside." Michelle says, "it's the lunar gravity." I keep talking about Stuart. Kim and I continue to learn more about our differences, but we laugh at the bride's maid dresses I've tried on.
Gabby sends yet another email that I don't respond to. My dad says, "you're my girl." My food stamps run out and I overdraft my account for the second time to buy frivolous food. I have a check in my purse. I worry that I say too much. I worry that I say too much to everyone. When I hear what I've said aloud, it depresses me and embarrasses me, I can only imagine these people, acquaintances and close friends a like see how fallen apart I am.
I drank 7 drinks last night and drove home. I called my ex boyfriend. The only one I would consider an ex. We broke up 5 years ago. I drove to his house and brought him back here. I kissed him. I was angry about James and saying too much to Taryn about James, angry about Jake, angry for gabby calling my mom and not me, angry for being a 27 year old food runner with $200 in the bank after paying $70 in 2 overdraft fees, tired of telling people, "oh that's my dad's truck, I live with my friend and can't afford o pay rent. I'm single, no husband, no children. Why? I don't know." I'm tired of talking about gabby.
Then Katie calls and in an instant we are laughing about all of it. My heart is light, my smile has sopped up some of my heartache. Life is O.K.
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