false hope sucks.

fuck being 27.

I'm finding it very hard to stay positive these days. I realize why you don't want to tell people when you like someone...because when that person doesn't like you back...people feel sorry for you. And what does feeling sorry for you mean? It just means there is a plethora of feelings coming at you that is sadness. Rather than joy.

People are very powerful creatures. It's better to save up those spurts of energy for positive reactions and boosts. However, sometimes it's good to have people be concerned or sympathetic to your situation (I'm assuming). At this point I'm just pissed.

I have been stood up AGAIN. A - fucking - gain. This is the theme with men. I used be able to pick a man out of a group and that would be that. Now, they're all in a relationship OR if I do manage to get some attention from someone who isn't in a relationship they stand me up. I even went out with someone the other night - in spite of a boy who stood me up - and all I could think about was the boy who stood me up. Worse of all the man I was out with really liked me and I'm sooooo not attracted to him.

I officially will stop dating men I'm not attracted to. And also - I will stop dating full stop.

Fuck men.

I really want a family of my own. I really want a home of my own.

I know I pool all of my negative energy here and perhaps if I had a website called...Oh how great it is to be 27, I might have better experiences...or at least take stock of all the wonderful things that happen to me daily. I truly am blessed. The truth is...I'm giving myself 27 to adjust with the hopes that 28 will be a glorious year.

I will meditate tomorrow. If only for 10 minutes. I will meditate and focus on how much love I have in my life. (I am saying this for anyone who actually reads this). I have stability and resources to have mental health. I'm just letting myself fully experience this feeling of annoyance and frustration. Although I do need to do it in a healthy way. I should have gone to dance tonight.

It's alright. There's always tomorrow to start over again.