Crazy town.

I guess I haven't posted in awhile because, well, 27 wasn't looking so bad for a hot minute. I have 2 great jobs, my earrings have started to sell like hot cakes (which reminds me I need to get on my 3rd launch already : kissmysass.bigcartel.com) and I stopped thinking about boys....for about 5 seconds.

The "biter" only happened a few weeks ago, and I've been beat down by the pace of all my business, but it didn't stop me from being asked out by 3 new suitors. I tell you, I don't make this shit up....people come out of the woodwork. And then....suddenly here - now gone! (kara what movie?)

I started to tell myself that I would get on eharmony when people stopped asking me out. Unfortunately, the dates keep coming and still no relationship is to be found. Something something...doing something the same way and expecting different results.

I would like to believe that eharmony is in fact doing something differently. And only after writing this down am I starting to believe it is the logical next step. It might be like a dating rehab. Yet at the same time...I feel like if I go down that path and get JUST as disappointed with my dating situation, then...I'm hopeless. Eharmony in some pathetic way is my last hope for a real relationship and I'm not ready to be hopeless. Until rehab - this is what I'm working with :

In the last few days, I went out with a boy who asked me out while I was busing his table at the Kennedy School. We went out to coffee, talked for 3 hours, had TONS in common, end of date he kissed me, then gave me another good bye kiss (which I haven't had in such a long time) and we made plans for me to go to his concert after work last Saturday. I distinctly remember saying, "you are my Saturday night plans." Two days later.....the text : "I don't think you should come to the concert, my ex girlfriend will be there and it might be too much." My immediate reaction is (clearly the wrong one - I need to work on this) -

a) get pissed off because he just broke OUR date for his ex girlfriend

b) say, no worries, I'll let you make it up to me later

c) text back, "thanks for wasting my fucking time"

d) no response.

B.

B!

I feel like that makes the most sense. I genuinely felt laid back about it, we're not together, he was being upfront about his feelings. But was I? I AM pissed, I DO feel like he wasted my time. And I could have said all that with no response. That would have been different too....if I would have put my feelings out there and then let him decide how he was going to respond, rather than me taking it for the team.

Sunday night rolls around and I casually watch a movie with a coworker. One who has been flirting with me for some time (but don't they all). This one is extremely sweet and not unattractive. I sometimes fantasize about a relationship with him where he is giving and affectionate and kind (like my first love) and I want to be more open minded but I'm hooked on the facts that he listens to butt rock, used to have hair down to the middle of his back and his ex girlfriend used to beat his ass when she was drunk. As I type this, I shake my head and roll my eyes because tomorrow we are going on another date, to watch a real movie. He's so sweet. I already know the answer to my next question, but lets ask it for insanity sake....I can't even type it. I doubt he's the one. Plus we work together. FAIL.

How about the guy that lives next door? Who? Oh the one that moved in last month with the help of his girlfriend (apparently "at the time") and who I've seen a bunch as I run in and out of my house in my pajamas to take out the trash or get my laundry who just knocked on my door today to say hello. I was so caught off guard I didn't even recognize him at my front door. It took me a second to place him. Five minutes before I had to run to work, I (of course) invite him in. We chat awkwardly for about 3 minutes, in which amount of time he reveals he wants to get to know me better and asks if my favorite color is blue because of my new blue car and the blue medallion he noticed hanging in the rear view mirror. His favorite color is blue too. I was flattered for sure, as I was with the singer at the coffee drink, grabbing my hand to kiss me assertively, as I was when my coworker shyly worked in a second movie date and as my neighbor told me out right no minced words he was interested in getting to know me.

My roommates just left for Mexico this morning. The house to myself! Just kidding, they invited someone to stay here and watch their dog. WHA?!? W. T. F. So she's lounging in her jammies holding a 40 watching VH1 Sober house with me, when she sees some dude that's been on sober house 4 times! She was like, "hey, wasn't that guy on there before?" And I was like "ya! He's been on there 4 times!" And she was like, "he's the lead singer from Crazytown."

And immediately I thought, that's kinda funny (I wanted to use the word ironic, but I'd probably use it incorrectly and everyone hates when someone uses it incorrectly and then they have to have the WHOLE conversation about how it's NOT ironic and then we have to talk about Alannis Morriesett, so to save you all that fiasco, I'll stick with the word funny) that his band is called Crazytown and that by repeating his same behavior of drug use and expecting different results is the epitome of crazy or the "crazytown" he lives in. And then I thought...shit....maybe I should change my name. Or maybe I should just change.

bite me

I said "don't bite me, or I'll go home."

An empty threat but certainly a warning. I know, I know...don't make a threat unless you're ready to back it up. But I'm not raising a child here, I'm setting boundaries. I believe if you're with the wrong person, perhaps it feels like you're raising a child.

Obviously this guy did not get it. He continued to bite here and there, intermittently, each time, me reminding him how it hurt.

When we became physically passionate with each other, he continued to issue a certain amount of pain that I absorbed and hoped would somehow be the last. All of my efforts to non-verbally overt his aggression didn't work - so in a moment of seizing pain, I bit down quite hard on his tongue.

That seemed to get his attention. He quickly retreated his tongue into his mouth and stopped all movement, except to say, "owe! wait...I thought you said no biting."

To someone who has little experience in the dating arena you would think this quip would shock me. After all of his painful expressions of passion to turn around and accuse me of one, painful infliction, with such surprise and woe.

I know that if I had stayed true to my word and went home when first bite ensued I would have avoided this situation in entirety - but this, I suppose, is where I'm still learning. It's hard for me to say - "Okay, I'm going home." My inner voice says, "Well, that was interesting...he's obviously not taking you seriously, but maybe this is just his way of having fun. As long as it doesn't get to the point where it "really" bothers you." And yet it did get to that point and so I bit him back.

There was a voice even earlier on that told me to postpone the date, and yet another voice that covered my intuition stating, "even though he is complaining he is too tired to do anything but cuddle, he did go to the store to get things and you don't want to discourage him from trying."

STOP TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE! Shit Kyla. Listen to your gut. It's okay. That was a great example of you "trying" to make it work, when really it didn't. So next time (maybe not with this guy) when it doesn't work, say it out loud, "this doesn't work" and accept things for how they are.

I guess what I should have said was, "Bite me - I'm going home!"

3 dates. He's not the one. Head em up and hood em out.

It's okay to be okay.

Something is changing in my life and I don't want to write about it. But this is the stuff I should be writing about. The transition.

I stress a bit about holding on to happiness. I used to wait for the ball to drop - after good things happen, bad things happen. But something has changed. Good things continue to happen in my life and I am beginning to believe that it's possible to be happy and not have to "pay for it".

Thank you. Thank you world.

I started my first day at Williams-Sonoma home. ....waited for the ball to drop...

turns out everyone is so nice. I learned about the merchandise, people were coaching me and giving me tips. We had great conversations and everyone was very open and excited to have me working with them. I have to say - that felt good.

At the end of the day, Christian came and picked me up to take me out on our second date. SECOND DATE. Meaning, we went on a first date that led to a second date but we only went on a second date (we're not talking marriage). Very casually picked me up. We went to the baseball game and....drum roll......HAD A GREAT TIME. I'm not holding my breath for anything. I'm just taking it a moment at a time. And it feels good to do it that way.

Right now I'm focusing on keeping my money in line. STOP SPENDING. SAVE PASSIONATELY! I want to buy a house. Game time.

I'm very fortunate. I'm a very fortunate person. I am happy. And that's okay.

Life is Good.

Heyyo - I said it.

I'm 27, I'm sitting in the living room of the apartment I am sharing with 2 great people who I love. The apartment is just the right amount of messy and I've paid rent to live here.

I'm watching a marathon of Sex and the City (my emotional crack) and loving the fact that I went and got a pedi with a "non-gay" male coworker today, repainted my toe nails purple panic and drank 2 PBR tallies while watching the Biggest Loser afterwards.

I love my blue car that goes fast and I love that I sold 2 pair of earrings this week.

I went on a date last night that was fun. period. I started to get a little crazy about it today, but that is simply my endorphins talking - and all the hormones that get released when you make out with someone who walks you to your door. I love that I don't think of him as "the one" and I am okay with that. I am exhilarated to meet someone I had fun with. I changed the name of the boy who stood me up all month to : asshole mcgee, on my phone. And I feel good about that too.

I know that sounds angry and I'm not even angry about him...it's just that if I deleted his name completely I couldn't screen his lame (fake as hell) phone calls....well.....that was a slippery slope.

I'm better now....I paused for Sex and the city.

I would like to conclude now with : life is good and I am amazing.

The Last single girl

My ONLY single girlfriend now has a boyfriend.

She made me meet him today. It was atrocious.

They kept having their side conversations. Those use to be ours.

She kept filling him in on the details. More side conversations ensued.

I tried to hold back my gag reflex and my eye rolling to a minimum. If you know me, you'll know that I read like an open book. My facial expressions are a tell all, and I'm shit for lying. I kept reminding myself over and over again that this is POSITIVE. I'm HAPPY for Lindsey. (Because somewhere deep deep deep, under my selfish, self-loathing, bitter crumujin layer....I really am happy for her.) Unfortunately everything that lies on the surface of my emotion is jealousy and a scab away from that is sadness that now my friend has a new best friend. Someone else that I'll have to share time with, and schedule "girl" time with.

The most preposterous thing about all these shenanigans is that I almost committed to giving eharmony a try. I WANT A PARTNER. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. I WANT SOMEONE TO REST MY HEAD ON AND HAVE SIDE CONVERSATIONS WITH. BLEH. (sorry about the caps locks).

I have this girl at work - who I earlier caught remarking that she was an "old spinster". I asked her how old she was and she (of course) remarked that she was 26. "Great" I thought....and followed it up with "of course". Recently, during one of our in-between-running-food chats, she revealed that her best and last single girlfriend just got a bf. I told her it was happening to me too! We embraced each other like we were on the titanic. I kid you not. And now every time we see each other we tell each other that the other is NOT allowed to get a boyfriend (first). Boyfriends have now become life jackets in the hopeless sea of singleness. If I'm going to take it a step further (and I always do) a boyfriend would really be a life boat. I go on several dates still and have at least 2 guys who are really interested in me, but going out with them is like floating in the frozen water holding on to the life jacket : ideally, it's suppose to save me but the frozen water is going to kill me anyway. Yes, I said the word kill in my metaphor. Is that like dying in your dreams? If you do, you die in real life? Well, that's not true either because I've had dreams where I've died - twice. Maybe I really am screwed.

Houston we have some good news!

DUDE!

So - I got a new car. And when I say new car, I mean...it's 10 years old but hardly driven ever....and when I say hardly, I mean...13,000 miles. Shiet. That's what I put on a car in one year! AND it's got all the bells and whistles, automatic windows and locks...cruise control...4 doors. AND it's blue...my favorite color. AND the best part is - IT'S ALL PAID OFF, IT'S ALL MINE AND THE INSURANCE IS PAID FOR 6 MONTHS....NO PAYMENTS MINE!

I love it. I named it Lelu, like off of Fifth Element and it drives like a peach.

Life has started to look up. Suddenly I have this notion I want to buy a house. So, I'm gonna save. I was thinking I wanted to buy all this extra stuff (mostly art because I love to buy art - which is a good investment and feeds the soul) but then I thought I could save that money to buy a house. At that very second, without me even planning it, I realized...I wanted to buy a house. So, I'm going to start saving.

And when life gets good, it gets real good. I just found out today that I GOT THE JOB AT WILLIAMS-SONOMA! Now, it's not going to be as the in-house designer mind you, just a casual associate (20 hours a week) - BUT, it's an open door, that leads to an open window towards becoming the in-house designer. I'm a little nervous, but at the same time I know I can do this. It pays just about double what I make as a food server and it's in the field of interior design. I don't know where this is going to lead me and I'm not making plans, I am just incredibly grateful for everything in my life.

I've also finished (I have 2 more pair of earrings to make) my second launch for my earrings....then I have to photograph them...try to spruce up my site and BAM! The website I write for is going to write a short article about them and I have a really good feeling Kiss My Sass is going to be a well known name soon to come. All good things, come in time and so I will be patient and know that life is good!

Woohoo and Amen.

Happy Easter y'all.

Are you listening? No? Okay.

Please leave a comment if you read this. I need one. Anything will do.